Parenting is a profoundly beautiful and magical experience, from bearing a child to nurturing them into a wonderful human being. The journey is filled with challenges, sleepless nights, little time for personal care in the early years, and later, navigating their growing minds and bodies as they mature. Parents also face external pressures, including societal expectations and the often overwhelming demands of family, all while struggling to be the best parents they can be amidst these complexities.

They often carry the weight of their children’s future on their shoulders, working hard to save every penny to ensure the best education and opportunities. While this devotion deserves immense respect from children, it raises the question: does this justify treating the child however they please? Sometimes, parents might be caring and attentive when in a good mood, but when stressed, they may unfairly vent their frustrations on the child, scolding or disrespecting them, which can be damaging.

Weren’t the parents the ones who wanted the child in the first place? With that decision, they knew it came with certain sacrifices, losing personal time, rest, and dealing with emotional challenges. Yes, you give up a lot, but what you gain is beyond measure. That sweet little being, a mix of you and your partner, with tiny hands, curious eyes, and a confused little face, makes every challenge and sacrifice worthwhile. It’s a love like no other, and the joy is incomparable.

Sometimes parents may unintentionally compete with their own children, trying to outshine them in areas like cooking, decision-making, or careers, just to maintain control or superiority later in life. In extreme cases, they may even humiliate their children in front of others to assert dominance or prove a point, without realizing the lasting impact this behavior has.

And then there are those familiar experiences that many have faced—being compared to other kids, getting scolded without being asked their side of the story, or being embarrassed in front of others for small things like not eating properly. At times, just asking for care and love, or feeling uncomfortable in the environment, can lead to feelings of isolation and humiliation for kids.

During the teenage years, children experience a whirlwind of emotions, uncertainties about their identity, and questions about their interests and friendships. It’s a transformative phase full of challenges, yet often misunderstood by adults. We often encourage children to adopt different personalities, being one way at home and another in public. This suggests that acceptance is conditional, requiring children to change based on their surroundings. Why should we not embrace a child’s smart, witty, and vibrant nature at home if we expect them to display these qualities outside? We often believe we have control over every aspect of a child’s life. As Sadhguru insightfully said, “children only come through you, they don’t come from you”. This quote emphasizes the need to respect a child’s individuality, understanding that they are not possessions, but unique individuals with their own journeys.

When a child reaches the stage of making career decisions, parents already have preconceived plans, even when they claim to give the child freedom to choose. At times parents neither guide nor motivate their children to explore their true calling. Instead, expect obedience and use the child to fulfill personal frustrations and gossip. In such cases, when things go wrong, the blame is often unfairly shifted to the child.

Even after marriage, they often intervene excessively, limiting the couple’s time together. Despite their children being capable of managing their own lives, parents might act as constant overseers, unwilling to let them grow into independence, which can block the couple’s happiness and personal growth.

If things were meant to be that rigid, we wouldn’t need individual personalities, beliefs, or even the ability to think critically. We’d be like machines, programmed to do as we’re told. But that’s not how life works, and it’s important for parents to understand this. Children need a certain level of freedom until they mature, and once they do, they should have the freedom to make their own choices. Values are what keep them grounded and close to their parents. Unfortunately, sometimes we, instead of guiding, end up bullying our own children, which drives a wedge in the relationship.

A child becomes more self-confident, curious, optimistic, and self-aware when they are allowed to make decisions from an early age, such as what to eat or which book to read. They thrive when accepted for who they are, whether fat or thin, tall or short, and when they can freely participate in conversations, share opinions, and feel involved without judgment or humiliation. Being encouraged to be themselves without criticism.

We need to shift our mindset about parenting. It should be rooted in unconditional love, so why do we place conditions on it? Expecting something in return contradicts the essence of unconditional love. We must either acknowledge it as conditional or change our perspective. The choice is ours to make.