The world is constantly changing, yet one thing seems to remain the same, our craving for validation. Somehow, our minds seem wired to function at their best only when others acknowledge our efforts. Validation can indeed boost confidence, spark motivation, and strengthen self-esteem. But when it becomes the only lens through which we make decisions, it can turn toxic, not just for ourselves, but for those around us.

Looking around, I often see people doing things solely to earn approval. It makes me wonder, are we truly thinking for ourselves anymore, or have we lost touch with our own inner compass? From everyday choices to major life decisions, our dependence on external validation has grown so deep that it’s as if we no longer trust our own judgment.

What concerns me most is how, for some, validation becomes the central focus of their daily actions. While this might feel normal to the one constantly seeking approval, it can be draining and frustrating for others.

This isn’t about dismissing the need for validation altogether, it’s human to want to be seen and valued. But when our sense of worth relies entirely on someone else’s opinion, we risk losing the very essence of who we are. 

Motherhood often begins with an invisible thread of seeking validation. Many mothers, after giving birth, start looking for approval in everything they do “Someone should praise how well I cook, how nicely my child is dressed, how wonderfully I’m raising them.” Even a child’s achievements can become a reflection of the mother’s worth, as if every milestone is a personal scoreboard.

While seeking some validation, especially when it concerns the well-being of the child, is understandable, but expecting constant recognition for every little task becomes emotionally exhausting. And when that appreciation doesn’t come, frustration builds. Too often, that frustration spills over onto the child.

I focus on mothers here because they are frequently judged and pressured about how they raise their kids. But that pressure, as real as it is, shouldn’t become an excuse. When a mother’s self-worth hinges entirely on validation, she may unintentionally raise a child who mirrors the same need, one who lacks self-confidence, struggles with self-esteem, and constantly seeks to please others to feel valued.

True nurturing comes not from external praise but from inner stability. A child raised with emotional balance, not burdened by the weight of a parent’s unmet need for validation, learns to value themselves independently.

Spiritually, I’ve often heard that worship should be a private, sacred connection between you and the divine, something deeply personal. But increasingly, it seems like many engage in spiritual practices more for validation than for inner peace. It becomes less about devotion and more about display: “Look how much I pray, how many temples I visit, how many people I serve.”

What begins as a genuine act of faith slowly turns into a performance. The mind becomes conditioned to seek recognition, and we start needing others to notice our spiritual efforts in order to feel fulfilled. Over time, the focus shifts, it’s no longer about peace or connection with God, but about crafting the next act that will earn praise.

Eventually, you may find yourself living not from the heart, but from a constant need for validation, where even spirituality becomes a tool for approval, not transformation.

Eating Right: It might sound amusing, but I’ve seen it happen more times than I can count, people eating healthy just to brag about it. The same people often eat out every other day. And when they do, they criticize the food afterward as if that somehow preserves their “clean eating” image.

In reality, the occasional indulgence isn’t as harmful as the negativity that follows. If you truly believe something is bad for you, why consume it? And if you’ve already eaten it, what’s the point of demeaning it? This behavior isn’t about health anymore, it becomes another way of seeking validation.

When someone genuinely cares about healthy eating, they might share tips or benefits out of goodwill, not superiority. But when it turns into a performance, “Look how clean I eat, unlike others” it loses its meaning. Once again, it’s less about well-being and more about approval.

Gaining Knowledge: I once heard Naval Ravikant say in a podcast that he doesn’t care about followers or whether people are inspired by him, the knowledge he gains is for himself. Coming from someone who has accomplished so much, that perspective struck me deeply. It reflects a rare humility and a genuine relationship with learning.

In contrast, I often hear people, many of whom are just starting out, say things like, “I’ve gained so much knowledge, anyone who meets me will walk away with something valuable.” I can’t help but smile, not because they haven’t achieved anything yet, but because they’ve missed the essence of learning.

When knowledge is shared with the sincere intention to uplift others, it multiplies. But when it’s used to inflate the ego or seek admiration, it quickly loses its depth. Over time, what was once meaningful turns shallow, and the person is left sounding wise, but feeling empty.

As I mentioned earlier, individuals who constantly seek validation often raise children with low self-esteem and poor decision-making abilities. These children grow up unable to make even simple choices like what to eat, wear, or where to go for a picnic. In their formative years, they’re conditioned to depend on someone else’s approval for everything, which leaves them unsure, hesitant, and emotionally fragile.

But the impact doesn’t stop there. Such parenting not only limits the child’s independence but often leads to a lifelong emotional dependency on both sides. As these parents age, they may become overly possessive and emotionally demanding, turning their children’s adult lives into a constant tug-of-war. Especially in cases where the child has long served as the parent’s primary source of validation, things tend to unravel once that child builds a life of their own, gets married, starts a family, or sets boundaries. What was once framed as love often becomes suffocation.

Yes, seeking validation is a natural human trait, and in healthy doses, it’s useful. It helps us gather perspectives and make better decisions. But it cannot become the foundation of every action from how we dress and eat, to how we parent or pray. When everything requires approval, we don’t just lose our sense of self we pass that dependency on to the next generation.

Instead, let’s raise children who first believe in themselves and then in others, including their parents. Children who can think critically, tell right from wrong, and even call us out when needed. As parents, we must be open to that, because parenting isn’t about perfection, it’s about growth, together.

As Dumbledore wisely said in Harry Potter, “It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends.”

Let’s raise children who are not only brave enough to stand up to the world, but also brave enough to stand firm in their values, even within their families.

Because unless we, as parents, are willing to grow and change, raising emotionally strong and self-assured children will remain just a dream.